Be Kind
Morning, Noon, and Night: Check in with yourself!
Add some kindness to your life. Begin by treating yourself with kindness and tuning into your needs every day. Sounds easy, right? But how do we do that?
We start with check-ins. Let's try one right now. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Close your eyes, and pay attention to how you are feeling. How does your body feel? Anything hurt, feel tight? Are you feeling antsy? Hungry? Thirsty? Tired?
How do you feel emotionally? Are you sad? Scared? Angry? Bored? Lonely?
Just sit with how you are feeling for a moment. After a minute or so, ask yourself: what can I do to take care of me right now?
Some days it might be a simple as getting up, getting a drink of water, and grabbing a sweater. Some days, we might reach out to a friend. Maybe, we get up and walk around the house, our office, or the block. Maybe we realize we need to stop for lunch. Whatever it is, see what you can do to take care of yourself. And, if there is nothing you can do right then, make a plan for how you may take care of yourself later on.
Make it a habit to check in with yourself a few times every day.
And remember that kindness, along with attention, is the most powerful force of self change available to you. Be kind to yourself, and to others as best you can.
What does treating yourself with kindness mean? It means treating yourself with gentleness, concern, and care. Taking deep and radical care of yourself starts with first being kinder to yourself. Developing a practice of kindness to yourself starts with learning how to think about yourself in a kind and caring way, as well as taking time each day to take caring notice of yourself.
First, we must learn to take caring notice of ourselves. Many of us need practice doing this, and I have found that planning daily check-ins can be an effective way to make this a daily habit. Most people find that it works very well to check-in in the morning, at midday, and then sometime around dinner time or before bed. We can call them the Morning, Noon, and Night check-ins. Set some reminders, because this simple yet effective step can be easy to forget as your day gets underway.
Make this work with your own schedule. If you work night shifts, your morning noon and night will be different. Pick a time soon after you are awake, about halfway through your day, and then again when your day is winding down.
During these check-ins take a deep breath. Take one or two minutes to think about how you are feeling. Notice your five senses: what is going on around you and how do you feel? How does your body feel? How are you feeling emotionally? Are you feeling tired? Cold? Hungry? Sad?
Take a minute or two and think about how you feel and what you need. Then, see if there is something you can do about how you are feeling. Get up and get what you need if you can. If you can’t, take note and see if you can plan to take care of what you need when the time comes.
Maybe you don’t know what you can do about how you are feeling or what you might need. This seems like a simple exercise, but many of us struggle with it at first. If that is the case, just make a note of what you noticed. Just think on how you are feeling and take care of yourself if you can.
These check-ins are important. They make sure that you are not neglecting your basic needs. They help you connect with your body and allow you to become aware of how you are feeling. It may seem simple, but over time these check-ins will help you to reduce stress and also to start to recognize situations that make you feel awful, such as not having anything to drink all day, or skipping lunch.
When I started with doing these check-ins, they seemed too simple and too easy at first. And then they seemed hard because I always forgot about them. What one of my volunteers did was write a reminder on a little index card and hang it in a corner next to her desk. Another programmed reminders into her phone.
Over time, many of us realized that each time we checked in we were thirsty. One of us who worked at a school was thirsty and had to pee, every single time. What kind of message is that sending to your brain, that you can’t take two minutes to take a sip of water or urinate? Talk about stress!
These check-ins, for everyone that participated in our program, significantly reduced daily stress. Most reported that they felt much calmer and settled during the day. Not allowing ourselves to get too hungry, too thirsty, too out of touch with our physical needs or how we felt emotionally, allowed us to focus on the present.
Those of us who work during the day used the check-ins to refocus at work. Instead of getting off track or distracted from the most important tasks for the day, during the check-in, we were able to realize what we had accomplished so far that day and could take a minute to think about what we could do to wrap up the day and leave work feeling less stressed.
Over time, most of us noticed that our needs during our check-ins changed. Those of us who found ourselves thirsty all the time began drinking more water more consistently throughout the day. And then, during check-ins, other needs made themselves known. The need to get up and walk a little. Or go find someone to talk to for a minute. Or the need to take one minute, close one’s eyes, take a deep breath, and allow the brain to rest from the stress of the day.
As you do this, you will find yourself calmer and less reactive during the day. You might end up shocked at some of the basic things you have allowed yourself to go without for too long during your day. Eventually, taking care of these things will become more automatic.
For now, make sure to have three times a day that work for you. Check in with yourself three times a day: Morning, Noon, and Night.
In your journal, or on an index card or postcard that you put on your refrigerator or on your nightstand (yes, you can use your phone as long as you remember to look at it!), write a reminder.
Some things to think about during these check-ins:
- Food: Sometimes we get busy and we forget to eat. While we can lose track of how hungry we are, being hungry makes us stressed, irritable, and unable to focus. Give your body something nutritious to eat three times a day. Avoid sugar because it can depress our mood and makes us more hungry. Sometimes, when we don’t eat regular meals, we get struck with the hungry horrors and then end up making unhealthy food choices, or just eating whatever appears in front of us or whatever is easiest. Pick something to eat that is nutritious, such as some nuts, a piece of fruit, some protein, some cut-up vegetables with some nut butter. Also, think about meal times. Having regular meal times helps keep your body rhythms regular, helps keep your energy up, and helps you not get too hungry or eat too much in between meals.
- Water: Many of us who tried this step came to the realization during our check-ins that we spent most of the day thirsty. Staying hydrated helps us feel less tired, more alert, and it helps improve most bodily functions. Just about every part of your body needs water and your body has lots of warning signs that it throws out to try to get you to drink. Being hydrated makes us feel better. Check in with yourself and if you are thirsty or haven’t had any water in a while, drink a glass and see how it makes you feel. While everyone’s needs for water are different, it’s a good idea to have a glass in the morning, at lunch, and at dinner at the very least, so making sure you have water available at your check-ins is a good way to make sure you stay hydrated throughout the day.
- Movement: We also know that sitting for a long time can reduce our circulation, and create a state of inertia that can be hard to break. If you haven’t been up in a while, or if you find yourself sitting a lot, get up and stretch or walk for a minute (even if it’s just walking to the bathroom). If you have a job where you have to be on your feet all day, maybe taking a minute to stretch, sit down, and think about what you need would work best for you.
- Rest: Sometimes, we are doing too much. If you have a physically demanding job, are home alone with little ones, or are working on a big project and can lose track of time, during your check-ins see if maybe what you need is a bit of a rest. Sit down and relax for a minute or two. Scan your body and see if you can let go of any tension that your are holding. Take a break from what you are doing and refocus and refresh.
Check-ins reduce stress, and help us be more aware of how we are feeling physically and emotionally. They allow us to not only take care of problems and stressors as they arise, but also help us to react more thoughtfully and calmly to problems as they arise throughout the day. Check-ins also reduce cortisol. This is a big deal. Cortisol is the chemical our bodies release during times of stress. Lowering cortisol levels improves our overall health in profound ways. Lowering cortisol helps with insulin resistance, maintaining muscle mass, appetite control, immune system function, digestion issues, and also helps support our mood, our focus, and our ability to respond creatively and calmly to problems as they arise. Check-ins are powerful habits.
So, check in with yourself three times a day and take care of what you need. Remember: Morning, Noon, and Night!
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